Popular Cultures: These Cheeses Are Your ‘Friends’

Editor’s note: Inspired by a recent Antonelli’s Cheese Club box that offered “soul cheeses” based on iconic 80’s film characters, here we introduce Popular Cultures: an ongoing series where casts of popular or iconic shows and movies, or other zeitgeisty cultural touchstones that are list-friendly, find their spiritual match in curd form. (Sports teams! Beatles albums! Barbie dolls! Taylor Swift Eras! Are you ready for it?)

The Friends series launched in 1994 and ended in 2004, but it hasn’t gone away. Whether you watched ‘Friends’ in real time, in streaming mode, (or both,) or have never watched it but have regardless inevitably taken any number of ubiquitous “Which Friends Character Are You?” quizzes, it’s hard to argue with Friends as being one of the most, if not THE most, iconic, ensemble-driven shows of the modern television era. (Possibly also the cheesiest, depending on your personal metric for cheese.) Six lead characters of equal importance, six distinct personalities, where better to begin a personification of curds as well known, if not always beloved, characters? You know what will always “be there for you?” Cheese, that’s who.

 

Joey Tribbiani is Pecorino

Let’s start with a softball, shall we? Joey is quintessentially Italian. And while Joey is arguably one of the most beloved characters on ‘Friends,’ Joey is a bit too goofball to inhabit the curd persona of the likes of an Italian stalwart such as Parmigiano Reggiano. It may be one of the most beloved cheeses worldwide, but Joey doesn’t quite have the pedigree for Parm, which is a bit too heavy on the rules for free-wheeling, womanizing Joey. Pecorino, on the other hand, is a cheese of the people. It’s also the cheese of cacio e pepe, one of the most beloved cheese-forward Italian pasta dishes, and one to likely be fought over in the sister-heavy Tribbiani household as to who makes it best. It must also be noted that Joey is an actor, and like actors, versatile Pecorino is capable of playing many parts. Whether Romana, Siciliana, Sardo, or Toscana, make sure it’s Pecorino PDO to get the full Tribbiani experience.

 

Rachel Greene is St. Stephen, Triple Crème

It’s just that it’s a match in rhythm and rhyme form, though that is a bonus. When we first meet Rachel on ‘Friends,’ we learn that she comes from a wealthy family. She is, in a word, rich. Three doses of butterfat rich, for sure. But like some of our favorite, decadent triple cremes, she is more than meets the eye. Complex yet forever delicate, Rachel blooms throughout the series (see what I did there?) into someone confident, successful, and capable of holding her own in the universe of her varied friends. It’s tempting to call for Sweet Grass Dairy’s Green Hill here, (New York International Cheese Competition 2022 Silver Medal) for the full Rachel Greene cheese experience, but it tops out as a double cream, so I’m calling Four Fat Fowl’s St. Stephen, a triple cream hailing from New York State, as does Rachel.

 

Monica GellEr is Maytag, Blue Cheese

The least easygoing of the Friends, to put it mildly, Monica is famously high-maintenance, and a little prickly. (“But I like maintaining you,” says Chandler. Chandler is effectively Monica’s affineur in this Friends cheese universe.) Blue cheese is also high maintenance, a tightrope act of process and procedure to ensure that the cheese and its veining ripen at a mutually beneficial pace. If there’s any Friend who’s up for that kind of nit-pickiness, it’s type-A personality Monica. While Monica and blue cheese also both have a certain sting, it all goes hand in hand with a sweet, sensitive nature at their cores. Plus, as a chef, Monica deserves to have one of the most complex, culinarily appropriate cheeses. A stalwart American blue with a number of culinary applications, Monica’s spirit blue is Maytag.

 

Ross Geller is Hooligan, Washed Rind

This Friend in cheese form is a pretty obvious one, when you think about it. Ross Geller: you either love him or hate him. Washed rind cheese: either the funk absolutely repels you, or mysteriously draws you in. It’s not for everybody, but those who love it really love it. If you rooted for Ross throughout his disastrous dating/wedding history, and know-it-all tendencies, chances are you’re a fan of the washed rinds. You’ve got a soft spot for things that are a little harder to love but are worth loving for their inherent complexity. (You can see where I land here on the Ross Geller Favorability Scale. And yes, I also love the stinkers.) As a scientist, it seems like Ross would also especially vibe with a cheese that has advanced-level microbiology working in its creation. Jasper Hill Willoughby (New York International Cheese Competition 2022 Double Gold) gives beef-cakey Ross vibes, or Cato Corner Farm’s Hooligan, I believe, is especially ripe for this honor.

 

Chandler Bing is Halloumi

It’s not that Chandler Bing is a punchline himself, but he is the Friend most known for delivering the punchline. The certain je ne sais quoi that is Chandler — I mean, what is even the origin of the name Bing? — made this a little harder to parse. As the “ta da” moment of so many Friends interactions — Chandler even gets the last line of the entire series — I’ve claimed a “ta da” moment cheese in his honor. Halloumi is a Greek, sheep and goat’s milk cheese with a squeaky, fresh curd texture. Its claim to fame, that which puts it squarely in Chandlerville, is its inclusion in Saganaki, the cheese dish that arrives at the table with fanfare. Doused in alcohol, and set ablaze to a rousing chorus of “Opa!” — could you BE any cheesier?

 

Phoebe Buffay is Zimbro, Thistle Rennet

You know that Phoebe had to be a vegetarian cheese, for starters. It would just be wrong otherwise. Phoebe also was a candidate for washed rind cheese. I mean, “Smelly Cat,” am I right? But no, Phoebe is too likeable to take on washed rinds as a spirit curd. Phoebe’s definitive characteristic is her quirky, one-of-a-kind, doing-things-different personality. And there is precisely a cheese for that: Zimbro, a Portuguese, raw sheep’s milk, thistle rennet-based cheese whose texture and flavor are both just…unusual. Delightful, but unusual. Bitter and vegetal, but sweet and creamy while also being kind of springy, this cheese and this character both inhabit a slightly different universe.