“Zodiac sign of SCORPIO in a 15th century manuscript” byVirtual Manuscript Library of Switzerland is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0
When presented with the opportunity to write a monthly cheese and horoscope-based column, the first concern was, when to begin? I’d have had to hustle to get it together for Libra season, but I felt like my empathetic Libra friends would understand if I couldn’t. There was a temptation to begin at some sense of the beginning, either during Capricorn season at the start of the new year, or with Aries as the first official sign of the zodiac, but both of those involved some degree of waiting, and this completion-motivated Taurus author wasn’t vibing with that.
Realistically, my first available bandwidth was for Scorpio season, and let’s just say I have a history with Scorpios, and therefore, a healthy fear. (Can’t live without them; can’t kill them.) I couldn’t have the opportunity to put Scorpios first, and then disregard that opportunity on ceremony. You don’t have to have any working knowledge of zodiac characteristics to know that Scorpio means scorpion. A lady can only get stung so many times before she learns her lesson.
Besides fear, however, there are plenty of other good reasons to start with Scorpio in a zodiac-and-cheese pairing series. Scorpios and cheese have a lot in common: passion, sensuality, and mystery to name a few. Certain Scorpio traits would make for good cheesemakers for that matter: determination, calculation, and tendency toward manipulation. Often mistaken for a fire sign, Scorpios are actually water in nature—ruled by emotion, they are often profoundly intuitive people, nuanced as the flavors in an exceptional cheese.
So with that, I present 5 cheese and cheese-themed gifts with massive Scorpio appeal.
Roquefort
As Scorpio humans as with blue cheeses, people either love them or hate them. Scorpios have an unapologetic intensity that inspires fervency one way or the other. There’s a simpatico relationship, then, between the stinger of the zodiac, and the stingers of the cheese world. And what stings more keenly than Roquefort, the king of the blues, while still demanding your full affection? To really show your Scorpio friend that you understand them and all their complex layers, pair the Roquefort with deep, dark chocolate.
Scorpio by Shooting Star Creamery
Not every sign of the zodiac has a namesake cheese. (I’m preparing myself now for the emotional fallout during Leo season if there isn’t one for them come July.) As for the fact that there is a Scorpio cheese, it’s possible that human Scorpios may find this a little on the nose for their taste. They are the sign of the zodiac least likely to care about having a namesake cheese, at least outwardly. They might show indifference in public toward such a thing, but in private, a tribute cheese might make them feel seen, especially one as enigmatic as a dank, washed rind, sheep’s milk number. Another stinger, Shooting Star’s Scorpio is also a stinker—a funky, earthy, sticky selection that is difficult to love for some, but well worth it for those who understand that beyond the spiky exterior lies hidden treasure. Truly, a cheese befitting of the Scorpio label.
Raclette Photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash
Raclette
Scorpios have a reputation for being the most, um…physically motivated sign of the zodiac. So you can’t go wrong to treat them to a cheese that has an interactive element, with massive ooze appeal. And raclette, with its racy, go-ahead-and-scrape-me-right-on-to-your-plate-like-fingernails-down-your-back come-hither ness, well…it’s just sexy. And scorpios? They like it sexy. (Just be extra careful if you intend to bring your raclette grill into the bedroom, okay?)
Cheese Sex Death by Erika Kubick
Speaking of sexy, cheesemonger turned Instagrammer turned author Erika Kubick isn’t a Scorpio herself, (yes, I asked,) but her book is. With a publication date of October 26,, Cheese Sex Death is a cheese bible that most definitely has Big Scorpio Energy, with its pursuit of wisdom, gothic soul, and softcore cheese imagery. If your Scorpio recipient is of the sort that prefers their gifts to be less ephemeral than actual cheese, Kubick’s cheese guide is equal to the task of making you salivate. (Read our review of Cheese Sex Death here)
Coffin Serving Board courtesy of ScotlandCollective on Etsy
Coffin Shaped Serving Board
Halloween, it must be said, is a Scorpio holiday. The popular humor astrology website Co-Star Astrology lists the following best careers for Scorpios:
● Con artist
● Puppet master
● Brooding protagonist
● Poltergeist
● Cult leader
Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, was a Scorpio. So it’s just not that far off to suggest that the sign most likely to delight in a coffin-shaped cheese board, replete with spooky, ash-coated cheese and other brooding accoutrements, is Scorpio.
Stay tuned for future installments of Zodiac and Cheese, and meanwhile check out our other seasonal content: How to Pair Halloween Candy and Cheese, 7 Terrific Ways to Upgrade Your Fall Cheese Pairings, and How to Pair Heritage Ciders with Cheese This Fall.