Not every sign comes with intuitive comparisons to cheese. There are signs whose animal glyphs are the top 3 for cheese production, (bless you, Capricorn, Aries, Taurus,) there are signs whose personalities can be unapologetically cheesy, (Pisces, Cancer—you know you love it,) and then there’s…Aquarius. Ascribing cheese gifts for this mysterious water-bearer might require a little over-thinking by the casual dairy zodiologist, but turns out that’s what Aquarians do best, so here I am walking their walk and spending at least an hour in their cheese.
Scorpio often gets credit for being the most enigmatic of the signs, but the only reason Aquarius doesn’t take the top spot, in my opinion, is that they are just more on the DL about it. Here we have Aquarius’ built-in duality: an air sign whose representative is a water-bearer. (Damn you, zodiac!) They are lone wolves who nonetheless run in packs, crusaders for justice who never want to be the ones holding the megaphone. They will tell it like it is, even if you don’t want to hear it, but their assertiveness only masks a deeply sensitive interior…actually, I think we may be getting close to cheese comparisons here. “Purposefully esoteric” is my favorite description previously written of Aquarians, and quite frankly, that’s also a pretty apt description of the world of cheese as a whole.
With that, on to the downing of the cheese of Aquarius, with these 5 cheese and cheese-based gifts sure to please the water-bearers in your life…probably?
At first this may seem like a simplistic choice for the mysterious Aquarian character described above, but I can think of no better intersection in the cheese sphere of air and water than a fresh, Mozzarella di Bufala. Fresh mozzarellas have an ethereal, ephemeral quality to them, and it is a warm, salty bath that transforms them from baby to bulb in mere minutes. All cheeses are borne of water at some stage, but mozzarella is sometimes even packaged in its bath. How’s that for water-bearing? When such a seemingly straightforward cheese is made from the especially tangy milk of specific Italian buffalo, that’s “purposeful esotericism” at its finest.
Perrystead Intergalactic photo credit Perrystead Dairy
Perrystead Dairy Intergalactic
Although Aquarians are known for being innovative, out-of-the-box, nay, out-of-this-world thinkers, my attempts at proving there are more Aquarian astronauts than any other sign went south, but they do claim OG moonwalker Buzz Aldrin, so let’s just run with it, okay? Plus, how Aquarian is this cheese? First off, it looks like a brain—perfect for the celestial overthinkers—but it isn’t difficult, only quirky and approachable, just like our Aquarian friends. This cow’s milk number from Philadelphia’s Perrystead Dairy also utilizes thistle rennet for its coagulant, giving it a pleasantly unusual texture.
Prufrock photo credit The Grey Barn and Farm
I can’t help thinking about washed rind cheeses for Aquarius: they can come off as a little assertive, but it’s mostly just armor. Underneath the often stinky, sometimes tacky exterior, comes as supple and sweet a paste as there is. Grey Barn’s Prufrock is an excellent example of just that: pasteurized cow’s milk—from a small herd of cows with an enviable Martha’s Vineyard address—washed in brine and aged for 6 weeks, for a fudgy little package that manages to be both edgy and fruity simultaneously.
Cheese and Culture: A History of Cheese and its Place in Western Civilization by Paul Kindstedt
The popular blog Co-Star Astrology lists “casual anthropologist” among ideal careers for Aquarians, and also suggests that they have “a library of trivia facts” instead of a brain. Here’s the cheese book that is the perfect intersection of these two notions: “Cheese and Culture: A History of Cheese and its Place in Western Civilization” by Paul Kindstedt. There are cheese books that are all about the pictures, and then there is this one, which is all about the stories, the details, and the facts. Your Aquarian friends will absorb this knowledge like a baguette to fondue. Now if only someone would please host a cheese trivia night to put that brainy Aquarian energy to use.
Despite having previously ascribed fresh mozzarella as one of the Aquarian spirit cheeses, let’s face it, making homemade mozzarella is just a little too easy for the analytical and innovative water-bearing set. It’s a bit of a splurge, but this hard cheese making kit from Homesteader Creations promises more of a challenge for your “here let me do it” Aquarian friends. One of the primary elements of hard cheese making is the cheese press that binds the curds together by pressing the water out. (Water bearing? Close enough.) Your Aquarian friends will thank you. Hopefully they will thank you with homemade cheese.
For more Zodiac and Cheese content, see our previous monthly guides for Capricorn, Sagittarius, and Scorpio, or head to our sister site Alcohol Professor for Drink Like an Aquarius: Beverages to Inspire (or Compensate for) Overthinking.